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Way of the Jihadist


So you got all excited and joined a jihad in order to kill a bunch of Jews, Christians, and other infidels while shouting, Allah Akbar! Allah Akbar!  And you did so because you believed it gave you a chance to get killed in the service of Allah with a reward of fourteen, or so, virgins in heaven to quench your sexual appetite throughout eternity.


Okay, so let’s assume that’s all true, and you get blown to smithereens along with a bunch of Jews, Christians, and other infidels in a marketplace when you set off an explosive device and shout, Allah Akbar! Allah Akbar!


Further, assume that afterward, you immediately sense that you are in heaven with fourteen, or so, virgins who have been eagerly awaiting your arrival. A second later, you will surely realize that in anticipation of sex, sex, and more sex, you don’t sense your pecker becoming erect. The reason is straightforward: You no longer have a pecker.


You are just a spirit now. You left your blown-to-smithereens body, including your pecker, down on earth where your jihadist buddies are probably taking advantage of your absence by screwing your wife, your momma, your two sisters, and your kid brother.


So what use is the reward of fourteen, or so, virgins when you haven’t got a pecker? You’re not in heaven, you dumb ass. You’re in hell. Think about it.


Copyright © 2016 Frank Zahn. Published in Meat for Tea: The Valley Review, Volume 16, Issue 4 Electric, December 2022, p.104 -

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