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Eulah Mae

 

I’ve been in love with Eulah Mae Parker since
the eighth grade when she stuck her hand down
inside my pants and fondled my privates. She’s
neither ugly nor stupid, and I like that she’s
chubby with warm breasts and loins—great to
sleep next to on cold winter nights. Her first
name means sweet-spoken, and she is, but
she’ll come at you and cuss like a sailor if riled.

 

She is blessed with an instinct for down-home
cooking. I salivate each time I think about her
stewed chicken with homemade noodles, ham
hocks with lima beans, and homemade cherry
and chocolate cream pies. And just as important
as her ability in the kitchen is her ability in the
bedroom where she is assertive and adventurous
with no need for a lot of sweet talk and foreplay.

 

She only has two flaws: One, she keeps bringing
up the M-word—marriage, having kids, and going
into debt so we can buy a house with a big yard
and space for a garden, all of which scares the
hell out of me. And two, she snores and farts like
a warthog some nights when she’s asleep. But
flaws aside, she keeps me happy with what a man
wants most—great sex and down-home cooking.

 

 

Copyright © 2024 Frank Zahn. Published in Adelaide Literary Magazine, Number 70, November 2024, https://adelaidebooks.org/eulah-mae.

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